I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
