My room smells like vodka and shame
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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