lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
