Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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