Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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