just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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