I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
