im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have fence marks all over my body
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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