I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
