Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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