God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
