I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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