i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
