The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have aggressive nipples.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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