bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
