I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
