My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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