Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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