Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
