I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
