I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
