I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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