It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
