Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
