Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
