just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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