If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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