hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
