I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
