he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
