no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
