Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
