Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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