plz talk dirty to me
Welp...herpes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
