Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
