I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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