I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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