I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
