I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
