She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
