Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
