apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
