Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
