I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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