Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
