very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
