So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
