I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
