I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
