Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
